My Aesthetic awareness, for now …
I often find myself thinking about how I am representing women in my art, am I placing them in positions of victims or objectifying them, allowing for potential crazies to fantasize on female models in my drawings and paintings who, in some case, may seem to be inviting abuse ?
I cannot say in all honesty that I succeed in this as some on my pieces revel in the erotic representation of women and their bodies, not for the enjoyment of sick minds but because I paint what I am interested in and enjoy myself. My awareness of women and our bodies is of course quite subjective. For me, it is often a play/struggle between an aesthetic and a political sense and value. I find myself speaking on both, sometimes in the same painting.
I do not reject the technical knowledge handed down through time and mostly invented by men, no more than I do of any language I make use of in order to properly and effectively communicate with the world around me, I use it to express my personal understanding of the world from my own experiences as a woman. I do think that I impart a certain organic, feminine cognitive part of me through my art, it can be understood and felt, depending on the topic and/or subject of a given piece. My sense of what it means to be a female and a woman differs from others, my take on eroticism and how I represent human emotions and experiences are also personal even if similar in many ways to anyone else’s.
I bring with me an aesthetic very much my own, yes it is female but also born of a life in the wrong body and thus subjected to years of seeing through the world of the opposite gender and sex. My aesthetic sense, my awareness speaks to survival, to female eroticism and to the extraordinary queerness of life. I create some pieces that, in contrast to their obvious erotic content, speak of pain, and of othering, of being on the outside looking in. Being a woman of transsexual experience has permitted me to better understand oppression and prejudice, even as a woman by other women. I am conscious of myself, my sexual identity, my gender and my orientation. I am aware of communicating my hopes and fears, my joy and my anger as well as my sadness, my chaos.
If anything, my art, is a reflection of my path and I hope it has some impact, brings some pleasure and happiness but also introspection and much questioning.