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A need to evolve.

In the past few months, I have been having such a difficult time even wanting to be in the studio, I couldn’t stand what I was creating anymore, I was getting very frustrated … I felt dead inside.


So I more or less walked away from painting, for a bit, until I could figure out what was going on in my world that had me not wanting to paint, to create. Yet, everything seemed to be going so well in regards to having models willing to pose for me, of having a loving partner who allowed for me to paint and not worry over much about housework and such. I mean, damn, I really have it good when you stop to think of it, so why was I having so much angst.


For a few months now, I would try and sit in front of my easel and paint as I had, popping out paintings by the dozen every year, but this simple action was fast becoming an impossible ordeal, I was actually getting depressed at the mere idea of doing one more piece that didn’t feel different from all the others. Don’t get me wrong, I think my art, technically and message-wise is pretty damn good, but I was feeling stifled, I was choking and gasping for air.


Well, yesterday … I again, after a few weeks of not painting, sat down in front of that easel and just took the time to look at the painting that was on it, what about it had me not desiring to continue painting, what was that elusive element that seemed to have been disconnected in me.


And then it hit me, not just like an idea it,s one when coming up with a smart observation or new awareness, no, I mean it hit me like a world changing, landscape re-organizing natural upheaval, this was not what I was looking for or thought was wrong or needed changing.


I realize that I am fatigued, bored, feeling incomplete with my old approach to drawing and painting, it doesn’t go far enough. I was at a point where I felt like a hamster on a treadmill, going around in circles, knowing I could be doing something more, something better, something higher as far as visual quality is concerned.


I need to move forward, not in changing my style so much as bringing it to the next level of it’s evolution. I’m not bored with painting and drawing, in fact I’ve never felt more in need of creating than at this point in my life, no it’s that I needed to see and understand that I now have to go elsewhere with it, bring it to another level technically and that, I admit both frightens and elates me because now that I am aware of this, I can only embrace it.



My gaze is no longer on the immediate effects of light, color, tonalities but rather on their fuller spectrum, with an emphasis on atmosphere and textures. I wish to convey an ever more deeper sense of our humanity through emotions born out through attention to detail. I feel I had become too predictable in what was expected from me, even from myself. 


I want to be able to bring the viewer into any one of my creations, both from a distance and then layer by layer, into more subtle and refined understanding of what is being communicated by me through it. In other words, I want my art to be like a multi course meal, one that is anticipated, well presented then enjoyed one layer at a time. The way in which I’m evolving may seem somewhat anachronistic but to me, it’s the way forward. I have this immense need to explore the subjects and topics I cherish through what is to many, an old seen before style … only what I’m creating really hasn’t and this is that specific level on which I operate, where I create.


If you took the time to read this note of mine, thank you, I love that you do and I hope to bring before you all, not a vastly different style of my art but a deeper, more intimate art.


Joelle Circé


Posted by Circé on February 23, 2013
2 Comments Post a comment
  1. 02/24/2013

    Hearing you Ayesha, though I’m not sure of what it is that’s boiling inside me. Wholly I struggle and emerge as the only artist I know to be, me.

    When I was a student, back in the early eighties, learning the fundamentals of drawing, color theory and oil painting, there came a time when, as part of the course, students had to reproduce works of the masters, learning further how to draw and paint, and by doing these reproductions, I had to, as much as I could, put myself in the shoes of a given painter I admired and re-create their work as if it was them redoing it, and of course, even if they were doing the same painting a second time around, it would be impossible for them to repeat exactly what they had done in the original. But I did learn to expand my gaze, to see how I could use technique in a variety of styles.

    Today, I’m actually in a happy place, having been in studio for a few days now and enjoying making decisions about things on canvas, pulling away from some things and embracing other aspects of realism that I wasn’t overly comfortable with. I do not yet know what the end results will be, surely not a big variation in style but I think, maybe a stronger overall feel, we’ll see.

    Thank you for adding your voice here, I much appreciated reading your post. And now, to continue to term with this ever ongoing pregnancy, drawing by drawing, painting by painting. 🙂

  2. 02/23/2013

    Picasso once re-painted Velázquez’ Las Meninas, but it never became a copy of this formidable painting. Instead, although in a way it was the same, he created a completely new masterpiece. He HAD to, as Picasso is not Velázquez. Only clones and machines have the capacity to copy, unable as they are to create something original, something that never existed before, something in which their unique personality is embedded.

    And so it is with us. We are like Heraclitus’ river, we stay the same, and yet we change. Most of us will only consciously notice the physical change, and rarely the spiritual/mental one. Artists will be plagued and stimulated by this ever continuing constant of change. I once told a struggling artist this: “It’s your struggle to get rid of culturally prescribed protocols, laws, rules, behavior, thinking, and yes………your own work, which are holding you back to express what’s boiling inside you, maybe even not fully known to you, driving you crazy, making you feel desperate, powerless, but also driven, and feverish to deliver. And in the end, against all odds, you will, it will happen, like the child that cannot be stopped to leave its creator. But first my dear, you must get pregnant, and carry that piece of shit inside you.”

    In short: What you are going through is inevitable. If it was not, you wouldn’t be an artist. And it will happen again. And again. And you will hate, cherish, curse, and welcome it simultaneously. Luctor et emergo!

    I’m known for my passion to time and again go into the singularity with my lovers. A singularity which per definition can only exist once, and yet we repeat it, although it must always be a new version of the same.


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